Dammit, Krispy Kreme. Is your opinion of American consumers that low?
News that Krispy Kreme is doing a limited market sell of a donut that can only be described as a killer of men has taken the Interwebs by storm.
The North Carolina-based donut chain is partnering with the Wilmington Blue Rocks baseball team, a single-A affiliate of the Kansas City Royals, to offer a one-of-a-kind treat.
A hot dog-bacon donut with raspberry jam.
Not since the KFC Double Down — and the Double Down Dog — has there been this blatant an attempt to thin the numbers of a business customer base.
Krispy Kreme and the Blue Rocks are asking fans to help name the unholy donut. There is talk that it could be offered in other areas if it does well in Wilmington.
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) March 11, 2015
But wait, you haven’t heard the best part.
Krispy Kreme is doing another specialty donut. Remember the Cheerwine donuts? And the Oreo donuts? Get ready for the Krispy Kreme Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Donuts!
Krispy Kreme describes the new concoction as “filled with Reese’s Peanut Butter, hand-dipped in chocolate icing and topped with hazelnuts and Reese’s peanut butter drops.”
What an All-American combo! A North Carolina donut company pairs with a company owned by Hershey in Pennsylvania to bring us the “two great tastes that taste great together” in one donut.
Except, we can’t have it.
The Krispy Kreme Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Donuts are only available in the UK. No, not on the campus of the only undefeated men’s college basketball team in the country.
In the United Kingdom. Dammit.
— Good Housekeeping UK (@GHmagazine) March 14, 2015
Money reported that “shares of Krispy Kreme (KKD) fell nearly 6% Thursday after the company reported that its latest quarterly sales missed forecasts.”
Maybe what really happened is that traders found out that they couldn’t buy a Krispy Kreme Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Donut, but instead had to drive to Wilmington for a heart attack at the hot light.