Jon Cryer has a new memoir coming out called So That Happened. Since Two and a Half Men is now done and in the books, Jon Cryer can finally start telling all the tales that he really wants to tell about the show, and especially about his experiences with Charlie Sheen.

While the memoir also covers Jon Cryer’s earlier life and career, it easy to imagine that tales about Sixteen Candles are not as hot to realte as tales about the guy who just recently got slagged by Chuck Lorre in the series finale of his old show.

One story that Jon Cryer tells comes from early on in his friendship with Charlie Sheen, back when Sheen was still married to Denise Richards.

One day during the first season of Two and a Half Men, I got a knock on my trailer door. It was Charlie — my trailer was next to his — and he seemed panicked.

He handed me a heavy shopping bag. “Denise is coming over,” he said, “and I need you to hide something for me.”

At this point, Jon Cryer had some doubts about what he was being asked to get in the middle of. This is starting to sound like a scene from The Godfather 2.

Oh, boy, I thought. If this is drug paraphernalia …

By legal, he meant barely legal. The bag was filled to the brim with porn.

So what would you do if you were handed a bag full of Charlie Sheen’s porn?

Curiosity getting the best of me, I had to find out what kind of porn captivates Charlie Sheen, what decadence frightens him into having me squirrel it away for him. Clowns? Golden-shower pictorials? German scat porn starring Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke? I was prepared for the weirdest, but it really was all pretty tame, some of it just topless mags. Really, if this was the worst I’d have to deal with regarding Charlie’s vices, bring on the bags of porn for me to hide.

Jon Cryer says that he was actually underwhelmed at what Charlie Sheen’s “wild life” was like. He recounts a trip to Las Vegas, where he figured he would see the real Charlie Sheen come out.

We landed in Vegas, and I was ready to get the Sin City tour from my co-star. Instead, he went to his room and took a nap. We showed up at the party for the syndicated stations, and then Charlie went back to his room to sleep.

What happened in Vegas didn’t have to stay in Vegas because it was boring as shit.