Jodi Arias told a jury behind closed doors that she struggled for two years to admit to herself that she killed her boyfriend.

The closed-door testimony was released on Tuesday and has revealed few new details about the night she killed her former boyfriend, nor any reasons why she was allowed to speak to the jury in secret in the first place.

After news organizations protested a judge’s decision to bar the public from the courtroom during a mystery witness’ testimony, an appeals court judge threw out the judge’s decision and the documents were released on Tuesday.

Dwane Cates, a criminal defense attorney not involved in the Arias case, told the Associated Press he believes the courtroom was likely closed to settle down the media circus surrounding the trial and said he doubted the request was granted on Arias’ behalf.

“It had to do a lot with I think everybody wanted it closed,” Cates said.

Convicted murderer Jodi Arias took years to admit her guilt, according to court documents: http://t.co/nvxj7QNCKZ pic.twitter.com/8vxHNDK6vK

— AOL.com (@AOL) January 14, 2015

Arias was convicted last year in the 2008 murder of Travis Alexander, after she attacked her boyfriend in a jealous rage when he attempted to end the relationship. Arias admitted to killing Alexander, but claimed it was self-defense.

Have you seen? Secret Jodi Arias transcripts released to media. http://t.co/IZYz9xgSOJ pic.twitter.com/FFnzxXVXKz

— 12News (@12News) January 14, 2015

Unable to agree on a sentence, the jury was dismissed and a new jury has been hearing testimony since mid-October over whether she should be sentenced to life in prison or receive the death penalty.

During the secret testimony, Arias, who said she was raised by physically abusive parents, provided details about the early days of her relationship with Alexander, which included testimony about how religion played a part in their relationship, as well as their first sexual encounters.

She also said she regretted the pain her actions caused Alexander’s family.

“I wish so badly that I could just take that away from them, and that I could reverse what I did,” Arias said.

The sentencing retrial is scheduled to resume Wednesday.