Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
I wonder what Adele song Mitt Romney is sobbing to today?
The only thing worse than witnessing the murder of your parents is realizing how many people are still Twilight fans.
I’m thinking about changing my name to “Opportunities” that way Lindsay Lohan will blow me.
Why do they put a bulletproof shield around Obama whenever he makes a speech? Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s gonna shoot anyone.
BREAKING: IRS preparing a helmet filled with bees to persuade Nicolas Cage to pay $6 million in back taxes
I’m about 6 foot, or 3,718 iPhone charging cords tall.
We survived The Macarena and by God we’ll survive Gangnam style!
I get annoyed when my well freezes but then I realize it’s hard out there for a pump.
The rest of my life was all anticlimax after Bryan Adams looked up at me in the last shot of the “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” video.
TIP: To remove all credibility from what you’re saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead.
DRUNK HULK TAKE BLUE MONDAY OVER BLACK FRIDAY ANYTIME!
The briefest thought you’ll ever have is the one where you see a parking spot only big enough for a Smart car and wish you had one.