Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Hanukkah is the most American holiday because it’s a celebration of burning oil that we don’t have.
I’ve been preparing for the zombie apocalypse my whole life by ordering my steaks rare and being completely dead inside.
Samantha Steele is engaged to Christian Ponder? Right. Like he could complete the proposal. He must have given the ring to Adrian Peterson.
Step 1: Tell everyone you’re going on a diet Step 2: Eat whatever you want Step 3: Shrug
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, now he’s moving in and we’re all supposed to call him Kris and not touch his stuff.
fedex attempted delivery during the split-second i was out moving my car and said they’ll try again tomorrow when i’m in the shower.
Anybody wanna swap meth recipes?
Do you think executives at History Channel ever have meetings and reminisce about the days where you could just tell stories about Hitler?
I’m excited about the Pope’s Twitter feed. Twitter and infallabilty go well together.
Hopefully Kate Middleton doesn’t miscarry because then Elton John will write a song about it.
The Pope hasn’t tweeted yet and already has half a million followers. Seems a good analogy for most religion.
Oh Tuesday. You are the Director’s Cut of Monday.