Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Study: The person you’re telling last night’s dream to, doesn’t really give a shit.
Just found this new app that tells you which of your family members are racist. It’s called Facebook.
Kind of a cheap gag for Obama to serve white turkey at his lunch with Romney
In the future, archeologists will believe we marked the changing of the seasons with Lindsay Lohan arrests.
Every object in my house has two stories behind it: the great deal my wife got on it, and the time I smacked my head on it.
Yes, I’m here, Margaret. I’m just ignoring you.
Colonel mustard also killed countless nazis protecting your goddamn freedom the very same freedom that allowed you to make that lucky guess
Oh no! Lindsay Lohan was arrested for protesting injustice in the Middle East! Just kidding, it’s still for punching people or something.
The best reason to have a baby is if you want to be handed something every twenty seconds for the next three years.
The Pirate Bay is down, so I can’t download the newest Game of Thrones episode. #FirstWorldProblems
“You can sleep when you’re dead” is a popular saying among people who don’t understand what death is.