Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion and says he’s Bob Marley reincarnated, proving you can actually overdose on marijuana.
Bad to the Bone is my favorite song about osteoporosis.
My Xbox broke. Now I have to watch Netflix on my iPad. #firstworldproblems
There’s something about a motorized cart that turns a handicap person into an asshole.
I don’t watch awards shows because I am incapable of being happy for anybody.
Lance Armstrong to Admit to Oprah That Cycling is Boring
I think my house plants are addicted to Coca Cola. Things turn brown when they’re addicted, right?
Congrats to Tommy Lee Jones for his brave fight against humor!
I like to pretend I’m on “American Idol” by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot.
If you don’t think Daniel Day-Lewis deserves the Oscar already, that was him playing Bill Clinton just now.
ZING! ‘When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who was married to James Cameron for 3 years…’ Amy Poehler, take a bow. #goldenglobes
I think Ben Affleck is “winning all these awards” because he’s “fucking great at what he does.”