Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Bad to the Bone is my favorite song about osteoporosis.
My Xbox broke. Now I have to watch Netflix on my iPad. #firstworldproblems
There’s something about a motorized cart that turns a handicap person into an asshole.
I don’t watch awards shows because I am incapable of being happy for anybody.
Lance Armstrong to Admit to Oprah That Cycling is Boring
I think my house plants are addicted to Coca Cola. Things turn brown when they’re addicted, right?
Congrats to Tommy Lee Jones for his brave fight against humor!
I like to pretend I’m on “American Idol” by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot.
If you don’t think Daniel Day-Lewis deserves the Oscar already, that was him playing Bill Clinton just now.
ZING! ‘When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who was married to James Cameron for 3 years…’ Amy Poehler, take a bow. #goldenglobes
I think Ben Affleck is “winning all these awards” because he’s “fucking great at what he does.”