Analyzing “Chinese Food”, The New Hit Internet Song

What are the two best things in the world? Fridays and Chinese food, right? Well, Patrice Wilson, the man who wrote Rebecca Black’s “Friday” is back at it again with another hit internet song, t...
Analyzing “Chinese Food”, The New Hit Internet Song
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  • What are the two best things in the world? Fridays and Chinese food, right?

    Well, Patrice Wilson, the man who wrote Rebecca Black’s “Friday” is back at it again with another hit internet song, this time, about Chinese food. The song is titled “Chinese Food” and is sung by Alison Gold, who is much like Rebecca Black, except with blonde hair.

    A music video of “Chinese Food” was uploaded and published on YouTube yesterday, and has already garnered (as of October 15th, 2013 at 3:22 PST) 1,663,634 views.

    Don’t let the 28,000+:6,000+ thumbs down to thumbs up ratio fool you, “Chinese Food” is a song that reflects on the appreciation of great taste.

    In case you’re one of those “elitists” who thinks they’re too good for real music (and proceeds to listen to lyrics about materialism, lust, and violence), or maybe your mind can’t take another demon curse like “Gangnam Style” or “What Does The Fox Say”, here are some highlights of the music video:

    In the beginning, we see a cook speaking Chinese and using two large sticks to mix noodles on a giant hot plate.

    Enter singer Alison Gold. “After prom night” Gold goes “clubbing”. To which club it is unknown, but apparently they have clubs for kids now, Gymboree, for example.

    After a long day of partying, Gold gets very hungry.

    And when Gold gets hungry, she gets “grumpy”.

    In fact, despite her blood sugar and energy levels running low from the lack of nutrition, Gold gets so grumpy that she wields the power of The Incredible Hulk.

    The only medicine that can assuage the beast that is Gold’s hunger pains is none other than Chinese food.

    How amazing is Chinese food to Gold? “I love Chinese food, you know that it’s true!”

    Is this the look of sheer terror over the fact that some suburbanite just ran into the restaurant and started singing about Chinese food? Or is it the look of opportunity that the restaurant is about to soar in profits due to the enormous appetite of one little girl?

    Because Gold loves fried rice, egg roles, and chow muh muh muh muh mein.

    Move over Iggy Pop, this is what a true appetite of destruction looks like. Gold goes on to marvel in the delight of her feast. “They got broccoli, even chicken wings, make it spicy, and you like it because it’s beautiful and it tastes so so so so good.”

    “I like their egg roles, and their wonton soup, this makes me feel so so good.”

    “Fortune cookies tell the future.”

    Behold, it is her new friend! A furry? A costume enthusiast? We may never know, but Panda Suit was sitting there the whole time, watching.

    It’s a little suspicious how Panda Suit “too” will also find a friend in a restaurant dominated by preteens.

    Sure, you may teach your children to never talk to strangers, but how can you talk to strangers if they don’t speak?

    What hand gestures are you making, Panda Suit?

    Clearly, nothing out of the ordinary, just some afternoon rollin’ in the grass fun.

    Revelations 6:8

    Panda Suit successfully infiltrates the teeny-bopper slumber party…

    …and reveals his secret identity. It’s Patrice Wilson! The same guy from Rebecca Black’s “Friday” video.

    Just talking about Chinese food and enjoying the party.

    That’s not where houses go in Monopoly.

    And even after eating copious amounts of Chinese food earlier this afternoon, the cravings strike again.

    Cravings that are so strong, you’re willing to eat the left over sauces on a bench in the park.

    “I love Chinese food.”

    Don’t mind the cultural insensitivity here; geishas are associated with Japanese culture, not Chinese culture. The video makes up for it by adding subtitles of various other languages and switching it up every five seconds.

    The fun continues until the ultimate ending, which is so powerful, it cannot be bastardized here. 

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