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Charles Manson, Deadliest Catch, and Legos

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Charles Manson, Deadliest Catch, and Legos
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    [Lead Image Courtesy The Oatmeal]

    I bet the producers of Dancing With The Stars are pretty upset that Charles Manson was denied parole.(image) 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    my auto-correct just changed “corn syrup” to “type 2 diabetes”.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The people that say childbirth is the most painful thing to endure have clearly never stepped on a Lego.(image) 36 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s been 7 years since the premiere of the Deadliest Catch and it doesn’t seem like these stupid crabs have learned a goddamn thing.(image) 20 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m writing a Young Adult novel about a dystopian society in which all entertainment is aimed at 13-year-olds.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    After his first child was born today, Tony Romo was choked up. It’s good to see that fatherhood hasn’t changed him.(image) 21 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If Mitt Romney looks a little thinner than usual it’s because he’s lost a couple hundred unwanted pounds…Rick Santorum.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”
    -Matthew Broderick proposing marriage.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BACON SUNDAE AT BURGER KING! HOT DOG STUFF CRUST AT PIZZA HUT! AND BACON COFFIN! LOOK LIKE AL QAEDA PLAYING LONG GAME NOW!(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If Charles Manson gets paroled he could run for public office in Arizona as a moderate.(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    “If Britney Spears can make through the entirety of 2007, you can make it through today”. That’s a good word.(image) 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Americans consume less sushi than there are pictures of sushi on Instagram.(image) 36 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    How funny would it be if they let 77-year-old Charles Manson out of prison & he just immediately started slaughtering C-list celebs again?(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    White House: Sources confirm VP Joe Biden is stuck on a really hard level in Angry Birds Space.(image) 9 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.(image) 18 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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