Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Million dollar idea: Invest a billion dollars in Facebook.
Rush Limbaugh looks like if someone put a normal human being in landscape mode.
Pearl Harbor is one of the great disasters of American history, as was “Pearl Harbor”.
I’d be more motivated to exercise if pizza didn’t like to be eaten and could run.
No matter how bad your day is going, the idea of Asian senior citizens shooting flare guns at squirrels should be able to get you through.
‘Could I *be* dreaming of a whiter Christmas?’ – Chandler Bing Crosby.
My iPad fell on my nose while reading in bed #firstworldproblems
Not judging Psy for rapping about killing Americans until I get a look at the accompanying “Kill All Americans” novelty dance.
Unlike in Egypt, Americans use Facebook mainly to protest changes in Facebook.
I can’t afford Nicotine gum so I just always chew some Trident while I’m smoking.
When a kid is ugly does it mean their parents weren’t meant to be together?
Playing “Words With Friends” is a good way to keep track of when your friends are shitting.