The Great Pumpkin, Joe Biden, and Mini-Wheats
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
My wife just dropped her keys & said “What’s WRONG with me?” & I named 6 things before I realized it was a rhetorical question.
BREAKING: No one likes you, tracks 9-13 of a pop music album.
Debate prediction: That person from your office who thinks they’re funny is going to tweet some really stupid shit.
I just saw something in the men’s room that convinced me to never go in the ocean again.
I wish I could feel just half of the pride Paul Ryan feels when he’s talking about the music on his iPod.
Taken 10 will just be Liam Neeson stealing your bank information and taking 12 dollars out of your checking account.
Biden is preparing for the debate by doing donuts in the parking lot in his 67′ Pontiac Firebird blasting No More Mr. Nice Guy.
The hardest part about being on a diet is not telling people you’re on a diet.
Kellogg’s recalls Mini Wheats with metal shards after lawyers reject slapping ‘recommended for people who are anemic’ stickers on the boxes.
I think it’s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song and called it “Maybe I am The Problem”.
Every National Coming Out Day I wait for Tom Cruise to appear, like the Great Pumpkin.
I almost had sex with my gf while she had a charcoal facial mask on but it felt too racially charged.