Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
It may be National Cleavage Day, but I'm totally pretending to look at St. Patrick's Day on the calendar.
I have an irrational fear that when people get really upset with me that I'm going to hit them.
It's going to be unusually hard spotting the April Fools stories in this weekend's papers.
Do NOT play the numbers in the Mega Millions tonight, people! They are CURSED!!! Also, I don't want to share my jackpot with you.
National Cleavage Day doesn't mean you can randomly motor boat women, apparently.
Breaking: BlackBerry is leaving the consumer market to focus exclusively on disappointing the corporate market.
I hope Africa wins the Mega-Millions.
I only spend money on things that turn into poop, pee and hangovers.
I'd go see the movie Bully but I'm not a freakin' dorkwad.
Today is National Cleavage Day. I wonder what Rex Ryan is going to wear.
If I win the lottery tonight I'm covering my house in a Dorito shell.
Is that a lottery ticket in your pocket or are you just really bad at math