Are you familiar with a “wet Willy”? It’s a “prank” usually done by grade school kids where one sucks on the end of their finger and sticks it into another person’s ear. Oh the hilarity involved with someone feeling disgusted and uncomfortable now that they have spit transferred from one of the dirtiest parts of the body directly in their ear.
Our story takes place in Mankato, Minnesota, where after drinking at some local bars that closed early on Saturday, Riley Swearingen, 24, hopped on the Late Night Express (a $1 per ride bus for all the winos.)
At 2:20 AM while in the idling drunk bus, Swearingen snuck up behind a police sergeant who was chatting with the driver, prepared both of his index fingers by lathering them in tongue juice, and then stuffed them in both of the officer’s ears, the Mankato Free Press reports.
The officer felt “wet with saliva being pushed into his right and left ear canals, which caused pressure and discomfort” which prompted him to turn around and see Swearingen walking back to his seat like nothing happened.
“I thought it would be incredibly funny to give a police officer a wet Willy, to which I was sorely mistaken,” Swearingen said, according to the Free Press. “I’m incredibly sorry for what I did. I never thought I would be going to jail for the weekend.”
Swearingen was charged on Monday with a fourth-degree assault on a peace officer involving bodily fluids (a felony in Minnesota), a fifth-degree assault, and disruptive intoxication, KTOE reported. Shortly after, Swearingen, who was on leave from a U.S. Air Force base in North Carolina, settled with a plea deal by pleading guilty for a lesser charge of disruptive intoxication, a misdemeanor.
According to Minnesota statutes, a fourth-degree assault of a police officer is a gross misdemeanor, unless it involves bodily fluids (in this case, saliva) or feces. If you decide to use your bodily fluids or poop to assault an on-duty peace officer, then the gross misdemeanor escalates to an even grosser felony that carries a maximum penalty of up to three years in prison with a fine up to $6,000.
Officials said that the alcohol played a key factor in the “hilarious” wet Willy joke; Swearingen’s blood alcohol content was 0.18, which, for a 160 pound male is equivalent to roughly eight beers. Imagine going through a six-pack of Miller and then polishing off two more – would you transform into a grade school kid?
Wet Riley was sentenced to three days in jail and paid $77 in court fees for his wet Willy.