Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we are treated with some tweets from a prevailing hashtag – #OccupyBandNames. We also find that Facebook has added a new “relationship status” option and learn what it really means to reach adulthood.
Enjoy!
@badbanana
Tim SiedellJust found out you can eat a big turkey dinner whenever you want without having to be thankful. This changes everything.
1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@rainnwilson
RainnWilsonIf there are two people in your twitter photo, I’m going to assume that you are the uglier of the two. 3 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@ArquetteSisters
The Arquette SistersThe Rolling Joints #OccupyBandNames 9 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Doc_0
John HaywardRage Against the Latrine. #OccupyBandNames 5 hours ago via Seesmic · powered by @socialditto
@FakeAPStylebook
Fake AP StylebookDoes your story have anything in it that will terrify an old person? If not, it needs another rewrite. 1 hour ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s HeadBe there! RT @SportsNation Prediction of tonight’s game!!! Tim Tebow will ________. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@mileskahn
mileskahn“Whoa oh oh, I’m on fire.” – Springsteen, witches 37 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@kellyoxford
kelly oxfordAdulthood is probably when you stop taking drugs to trip out, and start taking drugs to feel normal. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@DRUNKHULK
DRUNK HULKNOW THAT SEXY MAN ALIVE LIST OUT! DRUNK HULK CAN FINALLY RELAX! AND LET SELF GO! 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzBREAKING: Facebook Introduces New Relationship Status, ‘Fuckin’ Around’ 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@jimmiebjr
JimmieThe Red Hot Pepper Sprays #OccupyBandNames 5 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeI missed my local forecast on the Weather Channel, so now I have to wait ten minutes for them to show it again. #FirstWorldProblems 1 hour ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
@JimGaffigan
Jim Gaffigan“I want to eat a bunch of blue cheese and bacon, but I also want to appear to be healthy.” – Inventor of wedge salad 45 minutes ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@TheSofiya
Sofiya AlexandraI like my sex how I like my blues, performed by black men, or white men who I can pretend are black when I close my eyes. 44 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@danieltosh
daniel toshWARNING! only 3 more days to break up w/ your girlfriend or else ride out thanksgiving, xmas, new years, valentine’s, & black history month. 21 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@FauxJohnMadden
Faux John MaddenTonight on Thursday Night Football we will see who shuts down the passing game better: Darrelle Revis or Tim Tebow. 2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
