Tori Spelling has been sharing her marital troubles with the world on her reality show True Tori, and on the most recent episode she doesn’t hold back when it comes time to face the fact that her husband, Dean McDermott, had an affair.

Spelling has reportedly been staying away from looking at photos of Emily Goodhand, who reportedly had a tryst with Dean while he was out of town filming Chopped Canada, but recently decided to face her fears. The result was filmed for the show, and Spelling spoke her mind to a friend while looking through a gossip magazine.

Spelling says that she doesn’t find Goodhand attractive at all, which wasn’t a relief. In fact, it makes things worse.

“Oh god, I’m devastated. Am I a bitch if I say I think she’s unattractive? In my mind she looks like an Amish woman from the 1800s,” she said. “Before this, I would never have felt threatened by that girl.’ I’d be like, ‘My husband would never,’ but now all bets are off. It could be anyone.”

Goodhand has yet to comment.

Spelling made headlines earlier this week when she was hospitalized for an illness that carried Ebola-like symptoms and was briefly quarantined from other patients in the hospital as a safety measure. She was reportedly diagnosed with a severe sinus infection and bronchitis, although there were reports that she may have pneumonia.