Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Twitter isn’t a PG environment, so some of these might be NSFW. Enjoy!
Going out to clubs doesn’t make you a whore. Checking into them on 4 square does.
Cheaper than an iPad 2: at the end of your emails, type “Sent from my iPad 2.”
You can tell a lot about a person within the first 5 minutes of starting a movie with subtitles.
Report deaths from a natural disaster accurately, even if you had a much higher number in the newsroom pool.
Beyonce’s pregnant? Good luck keeping your problem count at 99, Jay-Z.
Read an article saying childless people should baby-proof their home for their friends with kids. Gonna put birth control pills in a dish.
For all you with birthdays around Christmas, sorry for all those combined birthday/Christmas gifts you get. My bad.
In his VMA acceptance speech Justin Bieber thanked God and also Jesus. Way to leave out the Holy Ghost, Infidel.
Girls named Irene are probably pretty ready to stop hearing jokes about them blowing stuff and get back to their normal lives.
I give my kids Lunchables so they know what disappointment tastes like. I also include a note that says “you’re a disappointment.”