@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzStudy: Men who participate in fantasy football are more likely to participate in fantasy sex. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@thesulk
Alec SulkinWell, it’s official. I can masturbate on ANY day. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@nickthune
Nick ThuneDon’t forget. Next Sunday. 9/18/11. The 1 week anniversary of the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeThe beach sand is too hot to walk barefoot on. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto

@sethmeyers21
Seth MeyersTake heart, Steelers. You’re still having a better day than my NFL Sunday Ticket To Go App. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@thesulk
Alec SulkinLet us never forget on this day the heroic men who holy shit TOUCHDOWN!! 7 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@DannyZuker
Danny ZukerLooking for a headline for your TV blog, this evening? Try, “Tonight’s True Blood finale was a real Cliff Fanger!” You’re welcome. 10 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@hotdogsladies
Merlin MannDon’t get me wrong. James Taylor is a very talented man. It’s just that many of his songs sound like a soothing and urbane organ failure. 19 hours ago via Birdhouse · powered by @socialditto

@badbanana
Tim SiedellI don’t mean to alarm everyone, but that Pitbull guy is now in soda commercials. 14 minutes ago via Twitter for iPad · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeI thought I took a root beer flavored popsicle from the box but it was grape. #FirstWorldProblems 6 hours ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto