The Oscars, National Peanut Butter Day, and Mitt Romney’s Tax Rate

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
The Oscars, National Peanut Butter Day, and Mitt Romney’s Tax Rate
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    I bet Andy Serkis would have been nominated for The Rise of the Planet of the Apes if the film was titled War Monkey. #oscars 4 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

    Shame on the rise after local area man makes eye contact with dog on National Peanut Butter Day. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    I think we can all agree that Man or Muppet being nominated for an Oscar is good for America. #oscars 5 hours ago via Buffer · powered by @socialditto

    TIP FOR THE LADIES: Steer clear of any Personals ad that says, “Seeking Companionship for 30-40 Seconds, Tops” 19 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Where the f- were the nominations for NEW YEAR’S EVE? How long is the Academy gonna shut out Ashton Kutcher? #Oscars 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Today is National Peanut Butter Day. They have to stop letting Paula Deen name holidays 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Congrats to Sarah Jessica Parker for her Oscar nomination in ‘War Horse.’ 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

    R1D1 must have sucked. 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

    Didn’t see the Help because I’m not a guilty white soccer mom but I’m sure it’s very racially hopeful and sincere. Yay! 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    I mean, just so we’re clear: from here on out, in trailers for any movie he’s in, we’re going to see “Academy Award Nominee Jonah Hill.” 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Romney is so tight-assed white he’s even tighter-assed-whiter than Richard Pryor’s tight-assed white guy impression. 47 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    I’ve had blood alcohol levels higher than Mitt Romney’s tax rate. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    The best method for early cancer detection is Newt Gingrich. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    Parachute into the Capitol during the State of the Union and challenge Obama to a Lincoln-Douglas debate to the death. 6 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    After 11 years orbiting Jupiter I think it is finally time to cash in my @NASA skymiles. 14 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Can we replace the obligatory “How are you?” with something people actually are interested in, like “Hi. When’s the last time you got laid?” 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    So glad I’m a guy. Haven’t fought with a friend since 1987. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    Get the WebProNews newsletter delivered to your inbox

    Get the free daily newsletter read by decision makers

    Subscribe
    Advertise with Us

    Ready to get started?

    Get our media kit