Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, the Twitterverse is “excited” for the big return of the McRib sandwich at McDonalds. We also learn what God really said to himself at the dawn of creation and find out who really deserves the NFL MVP award this year.
Enjoy!
@mynameisdorn
DornThe McRib is back…. I predict I will smell like BBQ sauce and shame later. No eye contact with me today. Thank you.
4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheTweetOfGod
GodAt the dawn of Creation I looked real tough at Myself and said “Go ahead. Make a day.” 8 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@PimpBillClinton
Bill ClintonIt’s feeling like a 4 McGriddle morning. 8 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS · powered by @socialditto
@DemetriMartin
Demetri MartinOverheard today in restaurant: “Can you stop listening to our conversation?” 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@RuthBourdain
Ruth BourdainI keep reading tweets that say “The McRib is back.” I knew it: McRIbs are made from human backs. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonI bet $100,000 the chick crying in the bar bathroom likes ranch dressing on her pizza. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@moshekasher
moshekasherI want to make fun of old men’s balls but that’s just low hanging fruit. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@DobbyWrnsHryPtr
DirtyHippyI’m going to dress up as a sexy slut for Halloween. 2 hours ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto
@firstworldme
First World ProblemsI didn’t know that that I had caps-lock on and now i have to retype my e-mail address to log in. #firstworldproblems 8 hours ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto
@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPNTim Tebow has started to call 3rd downs “Muslims” because of how much trouble he has converting them. 1 day ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@rainnwilson
RainnWilsonWill Occupy Wall Street 2 star Shia LaBeouf? 20 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@DepressedDarth
Darth VaderThe Death Star engineer sent me a Direct Message about the two meter hole, but twitter was over capacity and I never got it. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzGlad they’re making Great Gatsby in 3-D. My favorite part of the book was when Gatsby threw knives at the reader’s face. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@jakeandamir
Amir BlumenfeldIf the Colts go 0-16, Peyton Manning should win the MVP award this year. 18 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto