Selena Gomez opened up about her tumultuous relationship with Justin Bieber, just days after the release of the new single and emotionally raw video of The Heart Wants What it Wants has put her fans in a tailspin of worry over their darling girl.
The former Disney alum opened up about their relationship and the cryptic song during an On Air With Ryan Seacrest interview on Thursday.
“Everybody wants to form their own opinions anyway,” she told Seacrest. “I think the biggest problem I had this year — even with [Justin] and on his side — is identity.”
The couple seemed to be the darlings of the tabloids in 2011 until Bieber started to get into some trouble, and then the 20-year-old singer’s fans began to question whether she couldn’t do better for herself, according to the Los Angeles Times.
“I was trying to figure out what I’m doing, and that was the first time I was constantly being kicked down for doing that,” Gomez said.
— On Air/Ryan Seacrest (@OnAirWithRyan) November 6, 2014
“When I didn’t know, I just wanted to say, ‘This is what I want, this is where I am in my professional life, things changed in my personal life, things changed in my heart — everything.’
“And people just thought, ‘All right, this is what we think.’ And yeah, I made some decisions that weren’t great as well, and so did he, and that’s why we went through all that to only make us better.”
— MTV News (@MTVNews) November 7, 2014
Gomez admitted that the emotional voiceover in the video’s opening — in which she cries over a relationship — was a real event that was recorded unbeknownst to her.
“They taped the mic underneath the table when I was shooting the video,” Gomez said while holding back tears. “And I had shot the video over a year ago. So, in that state — where I was in that place emotionally — I went in and I went into the room by myself, and I looked at the actual mirror in the music video, and I had a conversation [with] myself to every question I had in my mind in that moment: ‘Wow, this feeling changes everything and you can’t help it.’”
— Harper's Bazaar (@harpersbazaarus) November 7, 2014
“[I learned] how to love myself first. And not just in a relationship, just my everyday life,” said Gomez. “I give myself so much, I let people pull at me in every direction, and I want everybody to be happy. Eventually I would be in my bathroom sobbing right before I go onstage.”
Gomez conceded that instead of taking the time to care for herself, she just kept pushing through the pain, confusion and heartbreak. She said that, today, she handles things very differently.
“I kept pushing myself, and I think the biggest thing I learned is, it’s OK. I’m going to stop when I need to stop, I’m going to feel when I need to feel, and I don’t care what comes with that or what people want to say. It’s normal.”
— People magazine (@peoplemag) November 6, 2014
Gomez told Seacrest when Bieber heard the new track for the first time and saw the video, “He thought it was beautiful.”
“I think it was really hard. I think he was a little jealous of the video guy at first,” Gomez joked.
Unfortunately, Gomez wouldn’t put speculation to bed by disclosing whether the twosome were back together. Instead, she just explained what her heart wants.
“I support him. I think I always will. I’m upset when he’s upset, I’m happy when he’s happy. I don’t want anything bad ever to happen to him. It hurts me. That’s all,” she said.