@Fake_Dispatch
Fake DispatchBREAKING: If you see a link for “Scarlett Johansson pics” DON’T OPEN IT! It will make you late to work. 8 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@shitmydadsays
Justin“Bullshit. Don’t pretend you don’t care about your birthday. It’s like watching a hooker pretend she’s out for a walk when cops drive by.” 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@SklarBrothers
The Sklar BrothersSo Sarah Palin had a 1 night stand with Glen Rice back in ’87. He was always good at nailing things from beyond the arc(tic circle) 6 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

@EugeneMirman
Eugene MirmanDoes anyone know what the site was that had people writing Justin Bieber fantasies that was trending sometime in the last few weeks? 8 minutes ago via Twitterrific · powered by @socialditto

@ConanOBrien
Conan O’BrienMapquest is such a dramatic name. “Tell me, O Map Quest, how I doth get to the doughnut shop near Reggie’s house?” #slownewsday 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@MarylandMudflap
Scotty L.Woke up to what I thought was the sound of a broken ceiling fan. Turns out it was just every guy in the world fap’ing to Scarlett Johansson. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@mpos
Mark PatrickWhat’s the shock about Glen Rice hooking up with Sarah Palin? He could always nail a 3. 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@JenKirkman
Jen KirkmanI didn’t find Cat Stevens conversion to Islam a threat to America but I did find his cover of “Another Saturday Night” to be one. 1 hour ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto

@therealzooeyd
zooey deschanel@mindykaling – should probably be called missoni for target for eBay. 17 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

@MySecondEmpire
Chris JonesI wonder if Sarah Palin could see Russia from on top of Glen Rice. 7 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto