Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we get tweets about Facebook’s loathed changes to the news feed, Ron Artest’s (Metta World Peace) early exit from Dancing With The Stars, and we see what aliens would learn from a visit to Earth.
“UGH, IT’S SO ROUND AND USEFUL, I HATE IT!” – Facebook User the day the wheel came out
I got pulled over so I cried like girls do but the cop still gave me a ticket for speeding and another for being a “Fag.” Dad? Is that you?
It would be amazing if Wolf Blitzer married Burt Wolf because I don’t think those guys are even gay.
The only possible conclusion from the amount of R.E.M. tweets in my timeline is that I follow way too many white people.
I like my women like my coffee; bold, rich, and hopefully a bunch of baristas haven’t dipped their balls in them.
if aliens learn one thing from visiting Earth it’s that humans like to watch other humans fuck.
In honor of Stephen King’s birthday, I’m reenacting the elevator doors scene from The Shining in my pants.
Anyone surprised Ron Artest was first to go on Dancing With the Stars has obviously never seen a horror movie
I googled “Santorum” and the results were disgusting: stories and articles about Rick Santorum.
I’m starting to think Rick Perry and Tyler Perry aren’t even related.
I bring a deer carcass when I fly as my carrion.