Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
I may not have won Powerball with this ticket, but I did buy a fine piece of paper to wrap my discarded chewing gum in.
I can’t decide what’s scarier, someone scrolling through the pictures on my iPhone or someone scrolling through my Google search history.
I’m pretty sure the Internet would shut down if Kristin Stewart had lunch with Kim Kardashian at Chick-Fil-A while holding a cute puppy.
Marijuana is gateway Spanish
I’m worried that staying indoors all day will make Julian Assange look pale and creepy.
Jerry Sandusky is writing a book in prison. The working title is: “Hop On Pop (Warner Football)”.
A great way to mess with someone’s head is to not return any of their texts or emails, but “like” everything they post on the Internet.
Avengers 2: Avengerer #AvengersSequelNames
People are trashing Facebook because its stock has dropped to $19, but that’s still pretty good for something that’s worthless.
Decided to diversify beyond just woeful Facebook stock. Just got a sweet deal on RIM shares in advance of BlackBerry’s impending resurgence.
Avengers 2: More Of That Shawarma #AvengersSequelNames
This morning my wife called me a misogynist for no reason but she’s probably just having her period.
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