Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we get tweets about Paula Deen’s diabetes (and subsequent ad campaign), John Edward’s heart problems and ways the FBI will begin to hide classified info.
Can’t believe Paula Deen turned out to be Wilford Brimley doing drag this whole time.
BREAKING NEWS TODAY: PAULA DEEN HAS TYPE 2 DIABETES. OTHER NEWS: AIR IS IN MOST PLACES ON EARTH. ALSO: THE SKY IS BLUE.
“John Edwards Has Life-Threatening Heart Problem.” Yea, as has already been well-documented.
FBI to begin storing classified info. in folder labeled “Nickelback.”
Dear Religion, Pics or it didn’t happen. Love, Science
Now that S&P downgraded Italian and French bonds, can I interest you in some very safe “Death Star 3” bonds?
Tila Tequlia to become Jewish. That is going to be one fucked up bat mitzvah…
GOP Trivia: Newt Gingrich has now been in the race longer than any of his marriages.
I will keep donating to Suicide Girls until they find a cure.
#ThingsIveLearned That “humans can’t survive in the vacuum of space” rumor isn’t quite as foolproof as I was led to believe
Wilt Chamberlain’s 34 free-throw attempts record was beaten last night, but his record of having 34 penises remains uncontested.
I’m not embarrassed to admit I’ve googled “Scarlett Johansson boobs” before, but I am a bit embarrassed to admit I’ve done it 140,000 times.