National Pie Day, Steven Tyler, and Stuffed Animals

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
National Pie Day, Steven Tyler, and Stuffed Animals
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Wonder how Paula Deen’s celebrating National Pie Day. Maybe she’s dumping nicotine into every new recipe and then investing in Nicorette. 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    I’m starting to think this “National Pie Day” was just another holiday cooked up by pie corporations & pie lobbyists to bring in the dough. 54 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Rand Paul was detained by TSA after refusing a pat down. Maybe he needs counselling, an ultrasound, 24hr waiting period before a pat down? 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    I hope the TSA doesn’t detain too many senators besides Rand Paul, or Obama might declare the Senate in recess again. 6 hours ago via Seesmic · powered by @socialditto

    So, did people listening to Steven Tyler expect him to sound like Pavarotti? He sounded like Steven Tyler. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    i went outside to put a raccoon out of its misery – then i realized my neighbor was watching Steven Tyler sing the Star-Spangled Banner 19 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Just imagined Newt Gingrich as President and finally googled “Mayan Calendar” 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Patriots and Giants. Man, I am really looking forward to the Super Bowl… commercials. 8 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

    I look forward to ESPN’s First Take debating the role Tim Tebow will have in the Giants-Patriots Super Bowl. 16 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets. 33 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Analysts say Romney needs to “press the reset button.” But won’t that void the warranty? 35 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Hey Heidi, heard you and Seal are getting divorced. When you want a new scarred black man with a sexy voice, call me. -Vader. 44 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    I wonder what Man on a Ledge is about 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    If my kids want to be taken more seriously they should stop talking to stuffed animals. 2 hours ago via Twitterrific · powered by @socialditto

    Noah’s flood = God clearing his browser history 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Happy Chinese New Year! (sent from iPhone) 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

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