Mark Zuckerberg, JP Morgan, and Bieber Fever

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Mark Zuckerberg, JP Morgan, and Bieber Fever
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    alright moms. back to work.(image) 15 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Mark Zuckerberg is 28 today and is worth $100B. Reminds me of when I was 28 and was able to purchase groceries without selling plasma.(image) 40 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Tonight’s #Bachelorette drinking game: Drink whenever someone says journey, amazing or how much they love kids. Also, have 911 on speed dial(image) 27 minutes ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    JPMorgan Chase to be bailed out by the Avengers movie.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPad ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Breaking: Husband surprises wife on Mother’s Day by actually finishing a project he started.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Surprised Newsweek didn’t have Joe Biden breastfeeding President Obama on the cover….(image) 15 minutes ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    People joke about Bieber Fever. Don’t – Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.(image) 20 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The song I Shazamed was unrecognized #firstworldproblems(image) 9 hours ago via twitterfeed ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Post some more song lyrics as your status. Someone will eventually understand your struggle.(image) 10 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    #SignsThatYoureLonely – You play with your lightsaber too much.(image) 34 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Cincinnati basketball players allegedly involved in nightclub incident. Police will begin investigation with the Bengals out of habit.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Elections would be cooler with high speed chases and nude scenes.(image) 8 hours ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Who is Mark Zuckerberg? I can’t find him on my Friendster, but the other 12 people on here keep wishing him a happy birthday.(image) 19 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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