Mardi Gras, Brady Quinn, and Doritos Tacos

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Mardi Gras, Brady Quinn, and Doritos Tacos
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    I don’t know, king cake. I prefer not to put myself in situations where surprise babies may emerge at any time. 1 hour ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    ‘Girl, you look as good as a King Cake. Let me put a baby in you.’ Top pickup line of the season/century. 1 day ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Not to sound all high & mighty, but I just smoked a bowl and bench pressed 200 lbs 28 minutes ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day & Cinco De Mayo are the 3 most important religious holidays for belligerent drunks everyone hated in college. 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Nicki Minaj gave up rapping for Lent, even before it was Lent. She’s truly devout. 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    It’s almost Lent which reminds me of when God said, “A few times a year, to prove you love me, do some weird stuff.” 44 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    GQ should ask Brady Quinn about something he’s qualified to answer, like his thoughts on David Beckham’s performance as an underwear model 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The fact that Brady Quinn dumped on Tebow is not news. The news is that for some reason someone interviewed Brady Quinn. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m hoping to give up celibacy for lent. 1 hour ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Awwww yeah. 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I’m rooting for the divorced girl to win “The Bachelor.” It would be more improbable than Gonzaga winning March Madness. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Anyone who can stand Chris Brown has obviously never had the shit beat out of them or they are Rihanna. 1 hour ago via twicca ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    To avoid further controversy, people of Asian descent should only be described as “Linscrutable.” #Linsanity 1 hour ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I can’t walk through Costco without constantly being offered free, delicious food. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Eating McDonalds is like bungee jumping: you know theres a chance you may die, but you take a leap of faith and hope you dont shit yourself 3 hours ago via twicca ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    How did anyone convince us that Nature Valley granola bars are food? 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Just re-read the Book of Revelation, and there are at least sixteen different references to sweater vests. 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    If there’s life on other planets, they probably had the technology to create Doritos Locos Tacos hundreds of years ago. 5 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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