Kate Upton, Valentine’s Day, and Candy Heart Rejects

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Kate Upton, Valentine’s Day, and Candy Heart Rejects
Written by Josh Wolford

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today, we have a love-inspired daily best tweets…..sort of.

Enjoy!

I’m not sure who this Kate Upton is but I assume she lives north of Downton Abbey. 35 minutes ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Seriously, Kate Upton on the cover of Sports Illustrated over Jeremy Lin? Did she ever out score Kobe? Just criminal 16 hours ago via Mobile Web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Thank goodness for SI swimsuit issue. Otherwise, nobody in this day and age could look up photos of attractive women in bikinis 19 hours ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. If you have someone special, give them a kiss. If you don’t, make a voodoo doll of your ex and cast spells. 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It’s Valentine’s Day, and it pains me that we cannot be together yet, love. I long for your embrace and shall see you soon, my $28 billion. 3 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The day after Valentine’s Day is probably Planned Parenthood’s Black Friday. 7 minutes ago via TwitBird ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy Valentine’s Day! If you can’t be with the one you love, eat a burrito by yourself then go home & masturbate. 30 minutes ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“Will you be VINE?” Really Poison Ivy? 37 minutes ago via Batcomputer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

4 out of 5 women can’t believe that whore in accounting got roses and I didn’t. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“Hi, I’m Chris Hansen.” #candyheartrejects 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Tiger Woods is scheduled to stop observing Black History Month today. 1 hour ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I forgot our safe word. #candyheartrejects 3 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

DTF 24/7 #RejectedCandyHearts 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

My gay best friend isn’t flamboyant enough to qualify as a gay best friend. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

god never slams a door in your face without opening a window to let bees in. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

You don’t need the calories #candyheartrejects 2 hours ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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