Kate Upton, Valentine's Day, and Candy Heart Rejects

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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today, we have a love-inspired daily best tweets.....sort of.


I'm not sure who this Kate Upton is but I assume she lives north of Downton Abbey. 35 minutes ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Seriously, Kate Upton on the cover of Sports Illustrated over Jeremy Lin? Did she ever out score Kobe? Just criminal 16 hours ago via Mobile Web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Thank goodness for SI swimsuit issue. Otherwise, nobody in this day and age could look up photos of attractive women in bikinis 19 hours ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. If you have someone special, give them a kiss. If you don't, make a voodoo doll of your ex and cast spells. 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It's Valentine's Day, and it pains me that we cannot be together yet, love. I long for your embrace and shall see you soon, my $28 billion. 3 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The day after Valentine's Day is probably Planned Parenthood's Black Friday. 7 minutes ago via TwitBird ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Happy Valentine's Day! If you can't be with the one you love, eat a burrito by yourself then go home & masturbate. 30 minutes ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

“Will you be VINE?” Really Poison Ivy? 37 minutes ago via Batcomputer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

4 out of 5 women can't believe that whore in accounting got roses and I didn't. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

"Hi, I'm Chris Hansen." #candyheartrejects 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Tiger Woods is scheduled to stop observing Black History Month today. 1 hour ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I forgot our safe word. #candyheartrejects 3 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

DTF 24/7 #RejectedCandyHearts 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

My gay best friend isn't flamboyant enough to qualify as a gay best friend. #FirstWorldProblems 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

god never slams a door in your face without opening a window to let bees in. 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

You don't need the calories #candyheartrejects 2 hours ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Josh Wolford
Josh Wolford is a writer for WebProNews. He likes beer, Japanese food, and movies that make him feel weird afterward. Mostly beer. Follow him on Twitter: @joshgwolf Instagram: @joshgwolf Google+: Joshua Wolford StumbleUpon: joshgwolf

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