Full Disclosure: I totally believe the end times are nigh, my friends.
Christian radio broadcaster and president of Family Radio Harold Camping has given us the date – and that date is tomorrow, May 21st.
Using numerology based on dates and time-frames mentioned in the Bible, Camping has determined that the rapture will occur at 6:00 pm, May 21st. It will we a sweeping rapture, hitting each time zone as they reach 6 pm.
Here’s what Camping thinks will happen tomorrow, as quoted in an interview with New York Magazine:
When the clock says about 6 p.m., there’s going to be this tremendous earthquake that’s going to make the last earthquake in Japan seem like nothing in comparison. And the whole world will be alerted that Judgment Day has begun. And then it will follow the sun around for 24 hours. As each area of the world gets to that point of 6 p.m. on May 21, then it will happen there, and until it happens, the rest of the world will be standing far off and witnessing the horrible thing that is happening.
His followers believe that about 200,000,000 people will be raptured, only 3% of the population. For the rest of you, the world will end as you know it five months later on October 21st. Stock up on bullets and beef jerky, my friends.
Now, I am convinced that Mr. Camping is right this time. By this time, I of course am referring to when he previously predicted the date for judgement day in September of 1994. The only reason he was wrong then was because there needed to be more research done on the subject. He is “absolutely sure” this time. And so am I.
I mean, look – Mat 21st. 2+1 = 3. There are 3 parts of the holy trinity. BAM! There are also 3 letters in May. BAM! May 21st is the birthday of Notorious B.I.G. What does B.I.G. stand for? Believe in God. BAM! The month of May. Add an “o” you get Mayo. Mayonnaise has a lot of calories. CALories, like in CALifornia. Who was just the governor of California? Arnold Schwarzenegger – who starred in Terminator 2 – JUDGMENT DAY! Told ya.
It is important to note, that the majority of Christian organizations have denounced this prophecy. But they obviously haven’t heard my Mayo argument.
As I was looking around Twitter, I saw all of these heathens and future post-apocalypse dwellers mocking the end times. The hashtag #IfTheWorldEndsOnSaturday is even trending. Oh, you’ll be laughing when Camping and I are right.
#IfTheWorldEndsOnSaturday we didn’t do it. Okay, fine. It was us. But you guys totally deserved it.
#iftheworldendsonsaturday only the good go to ‘heaven.’ You know what that means? Party! Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!
“Oh my God… rhythm IS a dancer!” — last thing I say before The Rapture
On the off chance the world doesn’t end on Saturday, could somebody feed Gipper for the next week?
“I didn’t say Judgment Day. I said Judge MINT Day. Which is better Mentos or Tic Tacs? Hope there wasn’t any confussion.” – God
On Saturday, I’m going to have to reconsider my “not if you were the last man on Earth” stance.
All of this end of the world talk needs an animation to help us understand. Watch this, it may help. It’s NSFW, but who cares, you won’t have a job after tomorrow anyways.