Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
#MaleDictionary “I let you win in Words with Friends” = “I lost and don’t know how to deal with it”
Does JK Rowling’s new novel become the most-anticipated book of all-time? It’s like god announcing a follow-up to the Bible.
I am annoyed JK Rowling’s new book will be published in English. They never release new literature in C++ anymore.
#MaleDictionary : I’m hungry. = I’m hungry.
#MaleDictionary Let’s watch a movie at my place = Let’s do everything except watch the movie. -LaurenwithAXE
Guns don’t kill people. Rick Santorum kills people in public restrooms then texts pictures of their corpses to Jared Leto.
Last night’s GOP debate was overshadowed by the palpable sexual tension between Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum.
Gas prices are higher than Wiz Khalifa
The toothpaste tube is never empty. Car companies should hire Colgate to design their gas tanks.
Getting up early to siphon gas from neighbors makes me sleepy.
I don’t care if they were on sale, Alfred. I’m NOT WEARING SUPERMAN BOXER-BRIEFS!
Lennon & McCartney wrote our most enduring and beloved ringtones.
Technically, anything can be a scratch and sniff.
“I’ll keep your legs warm while you’re telling a few racist jokes on a boat.” -Khaki pants