Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, Twitter explores a wide range of topics including Jerry Sandusky, Flossing, Sbarro, and The View. We also learn why it should feel like 1998 to everyone.
I just used the “Find My iPhone” to search for Jerry Sandusky. It says he’s at a Dave & Busters. Not good
Just saw a fat kid in the airport eating Sbarro’s pizza at 9:00am.
I should see if he wants to use this American flag as a napkin.
I wish Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-Select-Start worked in real life.
The View is like cat vomit that can talk.
Hate flossing? Rinse your mouth out with blood and cut out the middle man.
NBA labor nightmare. Newt Gingrich leading the GOP. It’s 1998 all over again, baby!
Sandusky is the Michael Jackson of showering with boys.
My son’s been in the bathroom for an hour and I’m worried that he might be beating my Angry Birds score.
AMERICA RECYCLES DAY: Idle NBA players will celebrate by reusing Kim Kardashian again and again and again.
#WhatYouFindInLadiesHandbags a device to update how sad they are on facebook
Saw a huge line of kids camped outside a movie theater. Had no idea twelve-year-old girls were so into the life of J. Edgar Hoover.
The proper length of time to pause after being asked “Are you sexually attracted to underage boys?” is 0.000000 seconds.
When you “ASSUME” you make an “ass” out of “u” and Melissa Etheridge
I’m the Gabby Giffords of returning to an all-you-can eat Chinese buffet after said establishment sidelined me with diarrhea for 2 weeks.