Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Mitt Romney says in an upcoming interview with People magazine that he once tasted a beer and tried a cigarette in his wayward youth. Thus, a hashtag #RebelRomney is born. We also learn how long the Supercongress has been locked and see that God might be confused with some types of thank yous.
Enjoy!
@Jesus_M_Christ
Jesus ChristDad finds it weird that you thank Him after a successful surgery. You realize the doctors and nurses are doing all the work, right?
34 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@SamValley
Sam ValleyCaught pretending to smoke candy cigarettes in his prep school bathroom. #RebelRomney 8 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@tompapa
Tom PapaWhen I struggle to write a tweet I realize my novel has no chance at all. 37 minutes ago via Twitterrific for Mac · powered by @socialditto
@danielwanke
Daniel WankeIn his wayward youth, Mitt Romney once stepped on a crack to see if it really would break his mother’s back. #RebelRomney 11 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@MarylandMudflap
Scotty L.According to the drunken handwriting on this notebook paper, I married a container of Old Bay last night. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@kervinf
Kervin FerreiraThe uglier you are, the more of your face you should be forced to show in your avi. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@Kyle_Lippert
KyleJehovah’s Witnesses have the worst knock knock jokes ever! 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@ThePowersThatBe
Doug PowersOnce only waited 59 minutes after a meal before swimming #RebelRomney 32 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@linkotan
Jared LoperOnce took four gummy vitamins instead of the recommended two. #RebelRomney 5 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@God_Damn_Batman
The BatmanReasons to be depressed: 1. Twilight made 140 million this weekend. 2. My parents are dead. 35 minutes ago via Batcomputer · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzFACT: In the time the Supercongress spent failing to reach a budget deal, Kim Kardashian could’ve been married 5 times. 26 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeI forgot to charge my iPod last night so now when I drive I have to listen to the radio. #FirstWorldProblems 1 minute ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
