Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, people are still talking about the iOS update and the Blackberry outage. We also see what qualifies as a workout to Jim Gaffigan.
Please don’t ‘celebrate my life’ when I die. You want to get drunk, do it on your own time.
Joel Osteen says homosexuality is wrong, but taking money from strangers every Sunday is the shit!
Never trust a person that enjoys karaoke sober.
Say what you will about Herman Cain, he’s one of the only Republican candidates who can count all the way to 9.
EVERYONE TALK ABOUT HOW AWFUL BLACKBERRY ARE! HOW GREAT APPLE ARE! YET NO ONE QUESTION THEY STRANGE FRUIT ADDICTION!
French people towards the end of the 18th century were fucking revolting.
I haven’t used the iCloud yet, but I absolutely love it.
If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
“Not 2 Shabby!” -Friend of missing rapper 2 Shabby, making a negative ID at the morgue
pǝxıɟ ʎɐʍɟןɐɥ ʎןuo sı ɯqq ssǝnb ı
Signing my emails “- Sent from my iPhone 6” just to make people super jealous.
Dear Porn: The quality of a scene is not directly proportional to the amount of things you can fit inside of other things.
My iPhone is currently updating so I have to tweet from my computer like some Ethiopian kid.
I love vending machines because I can see exactly where my food is coming from.