Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, people are still talking about the iOS update and the Blackberry outage. We also see what qualifies as a workout to Jim Gaffigan.
Enjoy!
@yoyoha
Josh HaraPlease don’t ‘celebrate my life’ when I die. You want to get drunk, do it on your own time.
35 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonJoel Osteen says homosexuality is wrong, but taking money from strangers every Sunday is the shit! 37 minutes ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@SamGrittner
Sam GrittnerNever trust a person that enjoys karaoke sober. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzSay what you will about Herman Cain, he’s one of the only Republican candidates who can count all the way to 9. 6 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@DRUNKHULK
DRUNK HULKEVERYONE TALK ABOUT HOW AWFUL BLACKBERRY ARE! HOW GREAT APPLE ARE! YET NO ONE QUESTION THEY STRANGE FRUIT ADDICTION! 6 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@thesulk
Alec SulkinFrench people towards the end of the 18th century were fucking revolting. 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@jimmykimmel
Jimmy KimmelI haven’t used the iCloud yet, but I absolutely love it. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JimGaffigan
Jim GaffiganIf only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out. 3 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@donni
Donni Saphire“Not 2 Shabby!” -Friend of missing rapper 2 Shabby, making a negative ID at the morgue 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@HAL9000_
HAL 9000pǝxıɟ ʎɐʍɟןɐɥ ʎןuo sı ɯqq ssǝnb ı 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@hipstermermaid
braden graeberSigning my emails “- Sent from my iPhone 6” just to make people super jealous. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@mileskahn
mileskahnDear Porn: The quality of a scene is not directly proportional to the amount of things you can fit inside of other things. 56 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@swiftenhaal
KevinMy iPhone is currently updating so I have to tweet from my computer like some Ethiopian kid. 14 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@glamxoxo
SueI love vending machines because I can see exactly where my food is coming from. 7 hours ago via Power Twitter · powered by @socialditto