Dealing with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can be a very difficult ordeal for those involved in intimate relationships with them. Narcissism falls under the Dark Tetrad of personality traits, which are known to be the most negative and sometimes dangerous personality types to deal with. Sadism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy also fall into this category. Although narcissists may not be as outwardly violent as the other Dark Tetrad types, their behavior can be deeply damaging. It is important to recognize the warning signs early to avoid falling under a narcissists’ influence. 

What is Narcissism?

A defining trait of a narcissist is their extreme self-centeredness, often at the expense of others. They believe that their desires and needs are more important than anyone else, contributing to their lack of empathy and their inflated sense of entitlement. Their superiority complex can also cause them to be unpleasant to deal with in general, by being arrogant or haughty in conversation. Everyone can display these traits to some degree, but narcissists take it to the extreme. 

There are several subcategories of narcissism, with each presenting a bit differently. Grandiose narcissists are confident, charismatic, and may appear successful. Vulnerable narcissists often victimize themselves and believe they are entitled to reparations for whatever injustices they believe they’ve faced. Malignant narcissists are the most difficult to deal with, as they can be very manipulative and vengeful in their pursuit to get what they want. Communal narcissists do good deeds for praise from others, not out of the genuine kindness of their hearts. Dark empaths still score high for these dark traits, but are able to blend into the general population thanks to their emotional intelligence.  

It is estimated that every one of two households has a narcissist. Recognizing the signs of a narcissist is critical to self-protection, especially in close settings. They can be poor communicators, show a lack of respect for boundaries, and have control issues. They use tactics such as gaslighting, blame shifting, and minimizing others’ feelings to maintain the upper hand. They also know how to use charm and love bombing to lure someone in again after treating them with disrespect. After repeated years of this emotional abuse, children and spouses can develop low esteem, distrust of others, and even addictions. 

If you decide to leave a narcissist, it’s important to plan your exit carefully and quietly. Preparation should include securing your own finances in a separate account, creating new contact information, updating legal documents, and planning the division of property and custody of children. Try to do all this without alerting the narcissist, who may sabotage your plans if they find out. Keep detailed records of abusive incidents and gather supporting evidence, especially if a court battle is expected. 

Conclusion

When it’s time to leave, choose a moment when the narcissist is not home. Trusted family, friends, or even law enforcement can provide extra security and even shelter once you have left. Though the process is challenging and emotionally draining, with the right planning, it’s possible to escape and reclaim your peace. Healing begins with distance and clarity, and freedom from a narcissist can be the first step toward rebuilding a healthier, more secure life.