Science – or urban mythology – has constantly told us that Twinkies last forever. They’re man’s best friend in the event of a toxic nuclear fallout because such mortal concerns as expiration dates do not concern Twinkies. Twinkies take the space-time continuum and make rudimentary origami bananas out of it. They’re the Chuck Norris of food. But, Twinkies appear to have met one foe over whom they cannot overcome: bankruptcy.
Hostess Brands, the maker of Twinkies and other sugar-laden treats near and dear to the American waistline, have announced that they are prepping to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, reports the Wall Street Journal today. So how deeply into the red is Hostess, whose sweet stash also includes Ding Dongs and Ho-Hos? $860 million.
That’s a big Twinkie.
Despite the megasweet treats from Hostess having precisely zero redeeming health value, people are saddened nonetheless about the news of the impending absence of Twinkies on their grocery shelves. Many people expressed their lament today on Twitter:
No more Twinkies? We’ll have to change the metaphor for “thing that lasts beyond the apocalypse” to “tenured professor.”
Hostess is bankrupt. Let’s all band together and buy it before the Chinese start making our twinkies.
So, Twinkies can survive a nuclear attack… but not an economic recession then.
@Jessica_Chobot Hostess is going out of business!?I know. All light is going out of the world. RT
Bemoaning the demise of Hostess is like being sad about losing that company that made your cigarettes as a kid. Same healthy impact!
If we are what we eat, by scarfing down a Hostess Twinkie which you had intended to purchase, I cause us to be cosmically linked.
Hostess is going out of business? Woody Harrelson is gonna be PISSED. I’d give that dude a wide berth. Maybe send flowers or somethin.
Breaking: Hussein 0bama blames Bush for Hostess bankrupcy. NO Twinkies for You.
@mattphifer Don’t worry, Twinkies never say die.