Honey Boo Boo Child, otherwise known as Alana from the TLC show “Toddlers And Tiaras”, has taken the world by storm in recent weeks due to a barrage of advertising for her new spinoff show, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”. The first episode premiered last night, and while I (unfortunately) missed it, I’ve seen enough from recaps online to know all I need to know. Actually, the trailers probably did that much, to be honest.

In case you’re not a fan of exploitative shows featuring stage mothers and their overly-caffeinated offspring, here’s the basics: Alana is a true girl of the South, and she and her family participate in “Redneck Games” (bobbing for pig’s feet, anyone?) and pick up roadkill for dinner without batting an eye. They’re not afraid to show their true lives on camera, warts (and flabby bellies and farts) and all, and Alana’s mother, known to most simply as “Mama”, is jarringly honest about how the family lives, taking the cameras along when she attends an auction to buy necessities such as groceries in order to save for Alana’s pageant expenses.

“Pageants are very, very expensive. It is not a cheap sport by any means. Sometimes he has what I’m looking for, sometimes he don’t,” Mama said about the auctioneer.

Alana, who says she loves getting dressed up and caking on the makeup for pageants, is also something of a tomboy and isn’t afraid to get dirty. She’s also charmed her family so hardcore with her spunky attitude and sassy comebacks that she doesn’t seem to have any real discipline, even when she hits her mother and pulls her hair…after downing her “go-go juice”, a mixture of Mt. Dew and an energy drink. While these sugary mixtures are popular on the pageant circuit–as are Pixie Stix–as a way to liven up a tired tot, Alana appears to get it whenever she wants it, which is, of course, reality show gold.

Obviously, people are curious about Honey Boo Boo and her family, otherwise TLC wouldn’t have seen fit to give them their own show. And while it’s more than likely going to cause controversy for quite some time, one question seems to be rooted firmly in everyone’s mind: what’s in store for Alana’s future? As you can see from an appearance on “Dr. Drew’s Life Changers”, many people are making assumptions already.

“I’MMA BOUT TO GO GHETTO ON YOU GURRRRL!” *smack* Uhh… future Maury guest?!” one YouTube user wrote.