Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Dad had a saying: “Give people healthcare, and before you know it they’ll want food, too.”
Five years ago today, people stopped making eye contact. Happy birthday, iPhone.
The maker of BlackBerry announced another round of massive layoffs. So soon there will be 5,000 less RIM jobs than before.
It’s rumored Hoda Kotb could become Matt Lauer’s co-anchor. Which explains the new segment “Where in the World is Jack Daniels?” #FallonMono
Guys named Brian will be screwed if there’s ever a dyslexic zombie apocalypse.
Remember when we let Jennifer Love Hewitt play Audrey Hepburn?
Attention people who aren’t employees: you should wash your fucking hands too.
You only live once so you might as well break up the Beatles. #YOKO
Breaking: Justice John Roberts updated his relationship status with republicans to “It’s complicated”.
I bet you vegetarians don’t even feel guilty eating baby carrots. Barbarians.
“I hate Obamacare so I’m moving to Canada! Also, I hate pot, so I’m moving to Amsterdam.”
My iPhone auto-corrected ‘fisting’ to ‘dusting’. Holy shit, it’s like I can’t teach my stepdaughter anything via text messaging anymore.