Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
I always buy the largest bag of “fun size” Halloween candy bars to hand out into my mouth.
After four Paranormal Activity movies, isn’t this just normal activity at this point? Let’s call a spade a spade.
I went for a ride on my Vespa and nearly got hit by a Prius. That would’ve gone down in history as the gayest wreck EVER.
For Halloween this year I’m gonna find an old Forrest Gump costume and go as an “Undecided Voter”
Now that Justin Timberlake is married he might as well take sexy back and exchange it for some sweatpants and a recliner.
Customers who expressed interest in Binders Full of Women may also be interested in Wallets Full of Puppies
Tyler Perry is more convincing as a 250 pound grandmother than he is as a detective who looks exactly like him.
1 RT = 1 person cured from cancer. Only joking, this is Twitter, not Facebook.
I’m going as Lance Armstrong this Halloween which means I’m lying about going as Lance Armstrong this Halloween.
It’s only a matter of time before hipsters try to make abacuses a thing again.
TLC should do a show about the sad people who watch TLC who are also conjoined twins with giant face tumors who horde child pageanters.
Paul Ryan seems like the guy at a bachelor party who goes way too far with the stripper.