Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Flavor Flav is 53 today, but he won’t be celebrating. He’s exhausted from spending all weekend springing forward all his giant neck clocks.
Jesus would definitely throw a car battery at Rick Santorum if He saw what he jerks off to.
Just read that Flavor Flav is opening an eatery called, “Flavor Flav’s House of Flavor.” My guess is that the flavor is syphillis.
Any shirt Chris Brown wears is a wife beater, if you think about it.
Northwestern v. Washington in NIT Sweet Sixteen tonight! It’s airing on ESPN 3 and an old TV in the back of a pawn shop!
Tomorrow for St. Patricks Day I will be wearing green and vomiting yellow.
Tomorrow is “Endless Flogging Molly Death March Day”, according to bar & pub sound systems.
So glad they finally got that sicko Clooney for what he did to those poor, innocent children.
I’ll vote for whichever candidate outlaws grocery store solicitation.
I drugged my assistant because she was dressed for a job interview but it turned out to be for her child custody hearing.
Pintrest makes me feel pretty.
I thought The Hunger Games was when we try and make a snack out of a bunch of random shit in our pantries.
Need more proof #TebowTime is over? The Broncos are making a last minute drive, and Timmy’s not behind the wheel. #PursuitOfManning
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