@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzFor those who missed the Republican debate, there’s a great piece about it in the Book of Revelation. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@ChrisFranjola
Chris FranjolaFerris Bueller and Madonna at the Superbowl? Did NBC get that Delorean up to 85? 56 minutes ago via Twitter for iPad · powered by @socialditto

@MurphyKeith
Keith MurphyIt’s almost noon. Does anyone have an update if Liam Neeson has punched a wolf right in the forehead yet? 3 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

@DocShaner
Doc ShanerUp until about a week ago I thought The Grey was a Civil War movie. I wish they’d just called it “Liam Neeson punches all the wolves”. 25 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@beetommy
Thomas BarberHappy National Chocolate Cake Day? The other types of cake are feeling left out. I’ve just seen an emotional wedding cake. It was in tiers. 54 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@FauxJohnMadden
Faux John MaddenESPN execs somewhere: “Quick, how do we tie Tim Tebow to this Peyton Manning storyline?” 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s Head“God, when will they stop talking about all of this Peyton Manning stuff?” — Brett Favre 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@DRUNKHULK
DRUNK HULKBET GINGRICH’S CURRENT MISTRESS WONDER WHEN SHE GET PROMOTE TO WIFE! 26 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@firstworldme
First World ProblemsNone of my ex-girlfriends have gotten fat yet. #firstworldproblems 31 minutes ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto

@Coastiefish
Matt SmithThe sound my computer makes when it’s logging off on a Friday is better than anything they play in the radio. 58 minutes ago via twicca · powered by @socialditto

@DamienFahey
Damien FaheyGary Busey speaks in Wingdings font. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@ahelvie
AndrewThis real estate agent is one handsome guy. No homeowner. 26 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@alexblagg
Alex BlaggThe cutest things are pug puppies, mixed-race babies, and hipsters working out at the gym. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@GreenishDuck
Zachary?“Let’s get this show on the road!” –suicidal thespian deer 3 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto

@clarkekant
Clarke KantThe sentence “I never said he licked my asshole” has 7 different meanings depending on the stressed word. 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@yoyoha
Josh HaraEvery time you scoop Ben & Jerry’s out of the container and into a bowl, God has a little chuckle. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto