Evelyn Lozada says she wants to move on from her marriage to Chad Johnson–specifically, the way it ended–but the fact that it happened during the filming of her reality show, “Basketball Wives”, is making that difficult.

Lozada and Johnson were involved in a famous domestic dispute last year after a fight escalated and Johnson headbutted her. She has spoken about the incident publicly and has been on the receiving end of some backlash from Johnson’s fans, who said her dramatics were clearly proven on the show and that she might have been blowing things out of proportion. The web was buzzing about Johnson’s arrest afterward and his release from the Miami Dolphins around the same time.

But the reality star says that if the incident hadn’t been so heavily covered in the media because of the couple’s status, she would probably have stayed with Johnson.

“I had physical scars. Obviously, I had to go to the hospital. I’m going to admit if there wasn’t, I probably would have went right back in that house and would have brushed it under the rug…I wouldn’t have wanted the world to know,” Evelyn said.

The domestic violence and Johnson’s subsequent arrest will be a main storyline on the new season of the show, which premiered this week.

“It’s still difficult even though it was a year ago, just having to watch it all over again. That was literally right after everything happened,” said Evelyn. “It was hard. I’m trying to move on with my life and now the show’s airing, so just having to deal with it all over again…”

Johnson has taken responsibility for the incident since, and has said that he lost the two things he loved most at the same time: football, and Evelyn.