Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
The thought of a zombie apocalypse sounded cool until I remembered how close to the TV I sat when playing Duck Hunt as a child.
Oh, no thanks. I’m still fucked up from the first 18 years I followed the pope.
I have to turn my Xbox controller back on to play the next episode of Breaking Bad. #FirstWorldProblems
Every arrangement is edible if you’re hungry enough.
Add Lindsay Lohan/Katt Williams to my growing list of Amazing Race teams I want to see.
Everyone who had goth wallpaper & NIN on their custom MySpace page is now a single parent.
Only three more Lindsay Lohan arrests until Christmas!
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a white person a drink in a mason jar and OH MY GOD HOW CUTE IS THIS MASON JAR?!?
Kid Rock says: Obama and I have no hard feelings. Of course not, you helped him win.
“Look mom! No Dad!” (bitter child of divorce)
Haven’t heard a DMX song in a while now. Did he find his dogs or something?
Kate Middleton is pregnant and The Pope joined Twitter. Truly a huge day for shit that won’t impact your life at all.