Diamond-Swallower: Canadian Police Waiting For Him To Poop

Amanda CrumLifeLeave a Comment

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Canadian police have all the fun.

In a news story that sounds like something from an ill-conceived Martin Lawrence movie, officials in Ontario are holding a man in custody who swallowed a $20,000 diamond and are now waiting for him to...pass it.

52-year old Richard Mackenzie Matthews apparently pulled the old switcheroo at Precision Jewelers and tossed the real diamond down his gullet, leaving cubic zirconia in its place. The only problem is, he was busted and now he can't get his bowels to cooperate despite a bevy of laxatives and various foods designed to do just that.

An X-ray won't show the gem because diamonds are translucent, but authorities have located cubic zirconia in Matthews' intestines, which begs the question: how many jewels did he swallow, exactly? That won't be clear until he's able to do the deed, but one thing is certain: he won't be going anywhere for quite a while. Not only was he responsible for the botched jewel theft, he also has warrants out in Toronto.

Police really hope diamonds are not forever http://t.co/cR65tSxI
15 minutes ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto
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police hold 20k diamond-swallower until evidence moves (shld go on sale for 10k) #aftercleaningit #tcot http://t.co/QtQcTG4f
38 minutes ago via ShareThis.com · powered by @socialditto
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The sifting for the evidence oughta be forced on pedophiles and young punks...... http://t.co/rkHUIr7X
1 hour ago via Facebook · powered by @socialditto
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I can't believe we are still waiting after a week for the #diamond swallower to give up the evidence!
2 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
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Amanda Crum
Amanda Crum is a writer and artist from Kentucky. She's a fan of Edward Gorey, Hunter S. Thompson, and horror movies. You can follow her on Google:+Amanda Crum

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