Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today everyone is tweeting about Cyber Monday, although I think some people might have missed the point. Plus, we learn how Eli Whitney could have increased his street cred.
Enjoy!
@jimmykimmel
Jimmy KimmelTo celebrate cyber Monday I just ordered a Disney Rapunzel Princess, then beat the shit out of my computer.
1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@TheTweetOfGod
GodNext time someone says “I don’t have a racist bone in my body!”, ask “Then why are they all white?” 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy Borowitz#CyberMonday seems like one of those fake holidays that was made up just to get people to buy things, like Christmas. 50 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@clarkekant
Clarke KantNo one really cared all that much when the Grinch stole Hanukkah. 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@theNuzzy
david nuzzy nussbaumIf Eli Whitney had any street cred, he would’ve invented the cotton gin and juice. 14 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@FakeAPStylebook
Fake AP StylebookWhen discussing “cost of human life” in Black Friday aftermath coverage, measure it against savings on that fantastically marked-down Wii. 10 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@DepressedDarth
Darth VaderEveryone thinks parents on Facebook are lame, so I’ve been going through and liking all of Luke’s pics just to annoy him. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeThere’s month old curry in the fridge but I don’t want to throw it out because I’ll have to wash the tupperware. #FirstWorldProblems 44 minutes ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
@thesulk
Alec SulkinI always thought I’d be older by now. 53 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@moshekasher
moshekasherAll you need to have is a really nice face and you can make money and get followers on twitter. 49 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@ceoMarkZuck
Mark ZuckerbergOur #CyberMonday deals for third-parties: 20,000 users’ personal information for $5,000. Just kidding (or am I?). 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@SklarBrothers
The Sklar BrothersIs it possible for an atheist to love Tebow? God only knows. 42 minutes ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@PepperSprayCop
Pepper Spraying CopOh Jesus! Too much Tabasco on my eggs. IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! I can’t handle spicy foods. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@ApocalypseHow
Rob KutnerSometimes when I want to feel dirty, I’ll go and read Steve Jobs’ biography on my Kindle. 41 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@ProdigalSam
SammyBlack Friday. Cyber Monday. They’re just the hors d’ouvres to the main course: Lexus’ December to Remember. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@funnyordie
Funny Or DieA/S/L? #CyberMonday 37 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@EricStangel
Eric StangelIn preparation for Cyber Monday, I just pepper sprayed my computer… 15 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto