@jimmykimmel
Jimmy KimmelTo celebrate cyber Monday I just ordered a Disney Rapunzel Princess, then beat the shit out of my computer. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@TheTweetOfGod
GodNext time someone says “I don’t have a racist bone in my body!”, ask “Then why are they all white?” 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@BorowitzReport
Andy Borowitz#CyberMonday seems like one of those fake holidays that was made up just to get people to buy things, like Christmas. 50 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@clarkekant
Clarke KantNo one really cared all that much when the Grinch stole Hanukkah. 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@theNuzzy
david nuzzy nussbaumIf Eli Whitney had any street cred, he would’ve invented the cotton gin and juice. 14 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@FakeAPStylebook
Fake AP StylebookWhen discussing “cost of human life” in Black Friday aftermath coverage, measure it against savings on that fantastically marked-down Wii. 10 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

@DepressedDarth
Darth VaderEveryone thinks parents on Facebook are lame, so I’ve been going through and liking all of Luke’s pics just to annoy him. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeThere’s month old curry in the fridge but I don’t want to throw it out because I’ll have to wash the tupperware. #FirstWorldProblems 44 minutes ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto

@thesulk
Alec SulkinI always thought I’d be older by now. 53 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@moshekasher
moshekasherAll you need to have is a really nice face and you can make money and get followers on twitter. 49 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@ceoMarkZuck
Mark ZuckerbergOur #CyberMonday deals for third-parties: 20,000 users’ personal information for $5,000. Just kidding (or am I?). 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@SklarBrothers
The Sklar BrothersIs it possible for an atheist to love Tebow? God only knows. 42 minutes ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

@PepperSprayCop
Pepper Spraying CopOh Jesus! Too much Tabasco on my eggs. IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! I can’t handle spicy foods. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@ApocalypseHow
Rob KutnerSometimes when I want to feel dirty, I’ll go and read Steve Jobs’ biography on my Kindle. 41 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@ProdigalSam
SammyBlack Friday. Cyber Monday. They’re just the hors d’ouvres to the main course: Lexus’ December to Remember. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@funnyordie
Funny Or DieA/S/L? #CyberMonday 37 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@EricStangel
Eric StangelIn preparation for Cyber Monday, I just pepper sprayed my computer… 15 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto