Carson Palmer, Dry Oreos, and Shia LaBeouf

Josh WolfordSocial Media

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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today, Twitter is buzzing about Carson Palmer being traded to the Raiders. Also, we get an inspirational tweet from the Dalai Lama and we lump people with certain cookie proclivities into a fairly motley crew.


Are the guys that pretended to be gangster in High School still checking in places on Facebook? 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

Bengals try to send Carson Palmer to the Raiders....but Carson Palmer gets intercepted and returned for a touchdown. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I won't be able to participate in no shave November because I have a job #firstworldproblems 2 hours ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto

If a guy's coffee order has more than 5 words in it, he should have to tuck his penis and balls behind his butt for the rest of the day. 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

I sent that bitch an inspirational tweet. Bitches love inspirational tweets. 46 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Good News: I collected all four railroads playing Monopoly at McDonald's. Bad News: I now exceed the weight limit on the jet ski I won. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

It's too bad The Playboy Club got cancelled, I was looking forward to girls finally dressing up slutty for Halloween. 49 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

There are child abusers, there are murderers, then there are people who eat dry Oreos. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

Tonight's GOP debate is in Vegas, and I'm giving Herman Cain the odds on candidate most likely to wake up tomorrow with a face tattoo. 19 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

"Oh, hold on. Lemme check my box of unidentifiable plugs and bullshit cables..." - Everyone 31 minutes ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto

The guy who beat up Shia LaBeouf must've just watched all of his movies. 47 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad. 18 hours ago via UberSocial for BlackBerry · powered by @socialditto

Oakland traded 2 first round picks for Carson Palmer? Al Davis is still alive!!! I knew it!!! 4 hours ago via UberSocial for BlackBerry · powered by @socialditto

If you're transgender and want society to see you as a straight man there's gotta be a better show to go on than Dancing with the Stars. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Josh Wolford
Josh Wolford is a writer for WebProNews. He likes beer, Japanese food, and movies that make him feel weird afterward. Mostly beer. Follow him on Twitter: @joshgwolf Instagram: @joshgwolf Google+: Joshua Wolford StumbleUpon: joshgwolf