Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today, Twitter is buzzing about Carson Palmer being traded to the Raiders. Also, we get an inspirational tweet from the Dalai Lama and we lump people with certain cookie proclivities into a fairly motley crew.
Are the guys that pretended to be gangster in High School still checking in places on Facebook?
Bengals try to send Carson Palmer to the Raiders....but Carson Palmer gets intercepted and returned for a touchdown.
If a guy's coffee order has more than 5 words in it, he should have to tuck his penis and balls behind his butt for the rest of the day.
I sent that bitch an inspirational tweet. Bitches love inspirational tweets.
Good News: I collected all four railroads playing Monopoly at McDonald's. Bad News: I now exceed the weight limit on the jet ski I won.
It's too bad The Playboy Club got cancelled, I was looking forward to girls finally dressing up slutty for Halloween.
There are child abusers, there are murderers, then there are people who eat dry Oreos.
Tonight's GOP debate is in Vegas, and I'm giving Herman Cain the odds on candidate most likely to wake up tomorrow with a face tattoo.
"Oh, hold on. Lemme check my box of unidentifiable plugs and bullshit cables..." - Everyone
The guy who beat up Shia LaBeouf must've just watched all of his movies.
Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
Oakland traded 2 first round picks for Carson Palmer? Al Davis is still alive!!! I knew it!!!
If you're transgender and want society to see you as a straight man there's gotta be a better show to go on than Dancing with the Stars.