Cara Delevingne is shouting to the world that she is in love with musician Annie Clark.
In an interview for the July cover of Vogue, the 22-year-old supermodel couldn’t help but gush over her new-found love.
“I think that being in love with my girlfriend is a big part of why I’m feeling so happy with who I am these days,” said Cara Delevigne of her 32-year-old girlfriend. “And for those words to come out of my mouth is actually a miracle.”
It was a difficult declaration to make, even to herself because of lingering issues tied to her confusion over her sexuality as a kid.
“It took me a long time to accept the idea, until I first fell in love with a girl at 20 and recognized that I had to accept it,” she said. “But I have erotic dreams only about men. … Women are what completely inspire me, and they have also been my downfall. I have only been hurt by women, my mother [a recovering heroin addict] first of all.”
— ELLE Magazine (US) (@ELLEmagazine) June 20, 2015
Delevingne also opened up about her bouts with depression, anxiety and “self-hatred,” which manifested when she was 15 years old.
“All of a sudden I was hit with a massive wave of depression and anxiety and self-hatred, where the feelings were so painful that I would slam my head against a tree to try to knock myself out,” said Cara Delevingne. “I never cut, but I’d scratch myself to the point of bleeding. … I smoked a lot of pot as a teenager, but I was completely mental with or without drugs.”
It came to a crisis when she contemplated suicide.
“I was packing my bags, and suddenly I just wanted to end it,” she said. “I had a way, and it was right there in front of me. And I was like, I need to decide whether I love myself as much as I love the idea of death.”
A light at the end of the tunnel came when she heard Outkast’s SpottieOttieDopaliscious, which was played the funeral of a friend who had died of a heroin overdose.
— People magazine (@people) June 19, 2015
“It felt like a warning from him,” Cara Delevingne recalled. “And it made me so furious with myself.”
Delevingne is leading a healthier and happier life these days, especially with acting gigs in the film adaptation of John Green’s Paper Towns, and a part in the much-anticipated Suicide Squad.
“I’m not allowed to drink. I’m not allowed good food,” Delevinge said of standards set up for shooting Suicide Squad. After turning 20 and eating McDonald’s all the time and drinking too much, it started to show on my stomach and on my face. But I’m playing a homicidal witch, so I need to look ripped.”
“But can you believe that?” marveled Cara Delevingne. “That I have to exercise restraint after I’ve succeeded in a business where for years I had no restraint, where the whole point was excess?”