Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we see a heavy dose of tweets regarding the premiere of the Twilight “film” Breaking Dawn as well as Tim Tebow’s crazy 4th quarter comeback Thursday night. We also examine what the NBA players might do during the extended lockout.
Enjoy!
@FrankConniff
Frank ConniffThe Natalie Wood case evokes a distant, forgotten past when we had scandals that actually involved talented celebrities.
56 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@fleshcake
G.T. CollinsBeen getting fewer voicemails since I made my greeting the entire soundtrack from Captain Ron. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeMy smartphone plays the same sound for a new email as it does for a new text message #FirstWorldProblems 1 hour ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto
@PimpBillClinton
Bill ClintonFellas, never let your wife call you a pervert if she’s standing in line to see a movie about a chick trying to hump a wolf AND a dead guy. 17 hours ago via TweetCaster for iOS · powered by @socialditto
@JimGaffigan
Jim GaffiganI take back all the horrible things I said about hot weather. 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s HeadIf Tim Tebow was Jewish, would he celebrate Runover? 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Lord_Voldemort7
The Dark LordDear people (women) attending Breaking Dawn at midnight…. THIS is why you’re alone every other night at midnight. 18 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@teenswagster
Belinda Kivilcim#worstpassword “kimswedding” … too short and not strong enough. 10 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@PaulyPeligroso
Pauly CasillasDon’t forget to tell everyone how you love Fridays because we were all wondering how you feel about them. 6 hours ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
@sportsguy33
Bill SimmonsI’d like to thank Tim Tebow, normally a peaceful and spiritual man, for committing murder and killing the 2011 Jets season. 5 hours ago via UberSocial for BlackBerry · powered by @socialditto
@shariv67
Shari VanderwerfIn blind taste tests, most consumers couldn’t tell if a person was blind by tasting them. 6 hours ago via txt · powered by @socialditto
@DRUNKHULK
DRUNK HULKMAYBE SEE BREAKING DAWN! QUESTION! DO DRUNK HULK NEED HATE SELF FIRST! OR DO THAT COME NATURAL WHEN YOU WATCH IT! 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@meganamram
Megan AmramIt’s a shame Ryan Gosling has never been married, I bet he would love having sex 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@hihough
James HoughWhatever will those poor NBA guys do with all their money and long dicks this extended off season? 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@boburnham
Bo BurnhamKids nowadays listen to terrible music. I miss the good old days when geniuses like Sisqó and Smash Mouth reigned supreme. 17 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
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