Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Getting bitten by a spider and gaining super powers is more realistic than the idea of Peter Parker using Bing to research his dead father.
Just heard a Steelers fan attacking Penn State fans for supporting an organization that knowingly harbored a rapist. #YeahAboutThat
I’ll bet Mitt Romney’s actual legs are pleated.
Now playing: NBA2K13. Actually, I’m playing Gran Turismo, but I’m drinking and wearing a Jason Kidd jersey, so…
The Facebook app is so slow it could do stand in work for the son on Breaking Bad.
Every time you poop after getting out of the shower, God high-fives a platypus.
Klondike Bars slogan would make more sense if they weren’t available in stores.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I just Rickrolled myself while trying to Rickroll someone else. #FirstWorldProblems
I bet the Last Breakfast and the Last Lunch were a little less somber.
The Buffet Rule is always use a clean plate for every visit, right?