Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we find that Twitter is talking about Donald Trump and Jerry Sandusky. We also learn the absolute best way to tell your kids they were adopted.
One good way to let people know you’re elderly is to put a full size bandaid on a tiny scratch on your face.
Physicists at CERN announced they haven’t found the Higgs Boson “God particle,” but are bringing in Tebow for some tests.
Sandusky thinks he will prevail in his case. Guess he’s a “glass is half full of children about to testify against me” kind of guy.
Marriage is the process of turning your hot girlfriend into your sister.
“I enjoy working with a hammer, but I don’t want a blue collar job.” – Everyone who eventually becomes a judge.
The GOP primary is what American Idol would be if every contestant was the “She Bangs” guy.
Some people are scared of snakes. I’m scared of guys from Boston with shaved heads and goatees when “Jump Around” comes on at a bar.
I’d say the best way to let a child know they’re adopted is to put “mom” and “dad” in quotation marks on their birthday card.
I’ve probably stumbled into a few rap videos during my weekend visits to Foot Locker.
it’s funny my credit score, my blood alcohol content & high school GPA are all the same number (1.2)
You’ve heard about “Take your Daughter to work day?” I think we should do that tomorrow, except replace daughters with beer.
New doll for the holidays: Tickle Me Sandusky.
#Trump pulls out. If only his father had done the same. http://t.co/dZFC2DAa @BorowitzReportDonald