Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we have tweets about a trio of newsworthy people – Albert Pujols, Jerry Sandusky and Lindsay Lohan. We also see what you don’t want your kid to say after his yearly visit with Santa.
Enjoy!
@DadNeedsADrink
DadNeedsADrinkJust think of all the money the Angels would have saved on Pujols if they bothered to wake up early on Black Friday.
3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@PeytonsHead
Peyton’s HeadJerry Sandusky posting bail? Forget electronic monitoring, just cut him off at the knees. The left knee, the right knee and the wee-knee. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JimGaffigan
Jim GaffiganSometimes when I put on workout clothes and don’t work out, I just pretend I’m a character from the “Sopranos”. 2 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@robcorddry
rob corddryMy life is exactly like Glee, minus the singing & dancing & high school and most of the gay stuff. 2 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@andylevy
Andy LevyProbably the thing I like best about Twitter is the way people try to change others’ minds through calm, rational debate. 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@RobinMcCauley
Robin McCauleyEmails from Google+ are making it difficult for me to pretend like Google+ never happened. 3 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@TheThryll
Will“Git-r-done!” is the “I have a dream!” of the south. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@GhostPanther
Adam McKayIf Joe Biden started wearing just a little bit of eye liner what the hell could anyone do about it? 11 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@SklarBrothers
The Sklar BrothersPujols, looking to improve on last season with the Cardinals, signs with the Angles. Good Luck Baseball Lebron. 3 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@clarkekant
Clarke Kant“Daddy, I think Santa had a really big candy cane in his pocket!” – The last thing I wanted to hear today 34 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@dribbleglass
Scott RoebenI love Twitter. It gives boring people the illusion somebody’s listening. 21 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Bookgirl96
Kathleen SchmidtActually, if Lindsay Lohan couldn’t get cast in New Year’s Eve, her career is truly over. 22 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@firstworldme
First World ProblemsI have to stand the entire time I ride in an elevator. #firstworldproblems 12 hours ago via twitterfeed · powered by @socialditto
@badbanana
Tim SiedellBad news is I fell out of my rolling desk chair. Good news is I landed in some kind of yoga pose, so I’m counting this as exercise. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Brazzers
HD Porn & Big TitsCrazy ole Lindsay Lohan’s PB cover is out online #justshootpornalready 2 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto
@Puddinstrip
Puddin’if Joe Sandusky is digging through his cell wall with a rock hammer, bet he chose a Justin Bieber poster rather than Rita Hayworth 17 hours ago via Facebook · powered by @socialditto